Why I think I failed

So, after a day of mulling it over and not getting anywhere, it's now 2-ish in the morning and I can't sleep so I may as well try and empty my head.

I was pretty apprehensive before the work at ESW yesterday and I couldn't figure out why. Then throughout the event I could help but feel the whole thing was a bit flat, "business as usual" to quote John Beagles quoting Terry Atkinson.

(At this point I should say how grateful I am to Dan and ESW for letting me make the work at such short notice and to everyone for participating and/or coming to see the work. It's good to feel supported...)

The work seemed very sculptural, it was after all figures stood on a plinth, but I couldn't tell why this was bothering me. It was potentially just a different outcome to the balancing or the bollards... The work was set up in the same way, just different parameters

There was the added element of Kim's presence as photographer, which was effectively a second performance in the room, but I don't think that effected things too much. It would but a huge cop out to blame the flatness of my work on the presence of someone else’s.

But it has occurred to me, in my half-asleep state, that I have once again put the cart in front of the horse… I have recently been trying to write an artist statement, in order that I might “nail it” as I have written earlier in this blog… I really need to get on with it but it’s been a busy week, what with organizing impromptu events in the lead up to the project space and so forth. Somewhere in this statement that I’m working on, I will try to explain that part of the process I endeavor to employ as an artist is identifying a material to work with and then identifying an appropriate action to apply. In the case of the studio bin standing was appropriate, as was wedging the bin over my head. With the blocks and bollards standing was also appropriate… The rope escape involved standing… but the point I suppose is that I went in to ESW with half an idea, (about work with a chair), saw the workbench and preferred that but just transposed the action on to it… Sometimes rushing things can be helpful, sometimes not.

The work felt a bit flat because it was a weak transposition of a different work, a poorer copy. It was ok, but not exciting… (Like Monsters Vs Aliens compared to Monsters Inc…) In a lot of ways I think that might be worse than an out right failure.

The problem I have now is what to do about it, as this event is the foundation of the project space collaboration a week on Friday and to withdraw it would be unfair on Kim who has already invested time and money… Is it possible to present work that is not only not there but also a self-confessed failure in an assessed project and come out smelling of roses? Challenge accepted!

Incidentally, if anyone is interested, I might consider using the same materials, participants and time constraints to make a different work. Six people holding a heavy workbench for an hour could be more interesting for example.